Okay, real talk—A athlete success stories have been haunting me lately, and I’m not even a little bit okay about it.
I’m sitting here in my freezing Rogers Park apartment, November 18, 2025, space heater rattling like it’s personally offended by my life choices, wearing the same hoodie I’ve had since the Obama administration, and I’m straight-up ugly-crying over YouTube highlights again. Because these athlete success stories? They don’t just inspire me. They fucking indict me.
Here’s the ten that actually broke me this year.
Why These Athlete Success Stories Wreck Me Every Single Time
Look, I’m not some motivational quote bot. I’m a 30-something American dude who let himself go hard—beer league softball catcher body turned full-time DoorDash connoisseur. And yet every time I think I’m comfortable being the “funny fat friend,” one of these stories finds me at 2 a.m. and ruins my whole coping mechanism.
1. Michael Jordan – Getting Cut Actually Saved Him
Everyone knows he got cut from varsity as a sophomore. What they don’t say is he went home and punched a hole in his bedroom wall. I did the exact same thing in 2022 when I got passed over for a promotion, except I ate an entire Lou Malnati’s deep dish instead of becoming the GOAT. Six rings later, he’s still pissed. I love that. The rage never left him. Mine just turned into acid reflux.
2. Tom Brady – 199th Pick, 6th String, Still Salty in 2025
Dude was skeletal, slow, and cried during his draft interview (Google it, it’s painful). Fast-forward and he’s winning Super Bowls at 45 while I can’t even win at fantasy football. The TB12 method is honestly annoying as hell, but when he said “pliiiiability” saved his career… bro, my back hurts just typing this. I started stretching last month. I hate him for being right.
3. Serena Williams – Compton Courts to 23 Slams While Everyone Bet Against Her
She and Venus were practicing on cracked public courts with dudes shooting hoops 20 feet away while people literally said Black women couldn’t dominate tennis. Meanwhile I whine when Planet Fitness is too crowded. Serena had racists, sexism, blood clots, postpartum almost-death, and still came back swinging a racket like Thor-style. I have… Wi-Fi issues. Cool cool cool.
4. Bethany Hamilton – Lost an Arm, Kept Shredding
Shark took her left arm at 13. One month later she’s back on a board. ONE MONTH. I dislocated my shoulder slipping on ice last winter and milked that excuse for eight weeks. She’s out there carving waves with one arm while I’m scared to try a pull-up with two. Soul Surfer is a cheesy movie but that scene where she paddles out again? I had to pause it because I was sobbing into my White Claw.
5. Muhammad Ali – Stripped of Everything, Came Back Heavier
They took his title, his passport, called him a traitor for refusing Vietnam. Three and a half years in exile. Came back at 29—ancient in boxing—and beat Foreman in the Rumble in the Jungle while I can’t even beat Monday mornings. The rope-a-dope wasn’t just strategy; it was life. Sometimes you just gotta lean back on the ropes and let life punch itself tired.
6. Jim Abbott – No Right Hand, Threw a No-Hitter Anyway
Born without a right hand. Played MLB. Threw a goddamn no-hitter for the Yankees in 1993. Switched the glove to his left hand after every pitch like it was nothing. I complain when my Apple Watch says I only hit 4k steps. This man fielded bunts one-handed on national television. I’m disgusting.
7. Wilma Rudolph – Polio, Leg Braces, Then Olympic Gold ×3
Doctors said she’d never walk without braces. She won three gold medals in 1960 Rome and literally ran so fast she broke world records barefoot in the prelims because her shoes hurt. BAREFOOT. I won’t even walk to 7-Eleven without socks. She became the fastest woman alive while I’m over here breathing heavy after one flight of stairs.
8. Michael Phelps – ADHD, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Then 28 Medals
Most decorated Olympian ever was secretly drowning (pun intended). 2014 DUI, contemplated ending it all, went to therapy, came back and won five more golds in Rio while openly talking about mental health. Meanwhile I ghosted my therapist after three sessions because “I’m fine.” Spoiler: I’m not. Thanks for the wake-up call, Mike.
9. Rocky Bleier – Vietnam Shredded His Foot, Steelers Still Gave Him Four Rings
Drafted to war, shot in the leg, grenade shrapnel in the foot, told he’d never play again. Came back and helped win four Super Bowls. FOUR. I pulled my hamstring in 2023 playing pickup basketball and used it as an excuse to quit for two years. Rocky sent his Purple Heart to the doubters. I send memes.
10. Alex Smith – Leg Literally Exploded, 17 Surgeries, Came Back to Win Comeback Player of the Year
2018, his leg got mangled worse than anything I’ve ever seen—compound fracture, flesh-eating bacteria, doctors talked amputation. He walked back onto an NFL field less than two years later. I watched that Amazon documentary and had to stop halfway because I was hyperventilating. That’s not inspiration—that’s a fucking miracle staring you in the face.
Yeah So I’m Changing (For Real This Time)
I’m 247.8 lbs as of this morning. Haven’t seen under 200 since college. But these athlete success stories finally did what no diet app, shame-spiral, or well-meaning friend could do—they made me hate losing more than I love tacos.
I joined a gym. I’m going to therapy (again). I’m waking up at 5 a.m. even though Chicago winter is trying to murder me. Because if a one-armed pitcher, a shark-attack survivor, and a dude whose leg looked like hamburger meat can get back out there… then my excuses are officially dead.
